Perimenopause Unwrapped - Day 15

The phases of menopause

Big day Day 15!

Lots to work through, and we urge you to take your time, probably more than a day to explore the enquiries…

The phases of menopause

The different phases are not linear but flicker one to the other, spiralling and entwining together. You’ll find some days you’ll experience all the phases before breakfast. In retrospect, in Second Spring, you may be able to discern the phases as broad passages of time and perhaps understand perimenopause to be Separation and Surrender, but you have the authority to name where you are in the process. They are not attached to physical events like whether you’re menstruating or not, but are inner states of being that happen at any time in the process. Using the Life Seasons Circle will give you an idea of where you are in these phases.

Separation

You’re just about coming into your power, you know who you are and what you want, you’re on your way to get it and BAM! This is perimenopause where the rug gets pulled out from under your feet. You start to question:

Does this job really matter to me anymore? Is my partner really my soulmate? Maybe I should go, I can’t take it anymore? Is this friendship feeding me?

This is where many of us find ourselves in perimenopause, where the shifts in hormones and our psyche are making themselves very present in our daily life.

There is no doubt that menopause can be tough, any of the health or emotional baggage that you have not dealt with will come and bite you on the bum. Youch! If things are feeling like they’re falling apart, it’s OK, it’s part of the process of re-birthing yourself.

You’ll find you need way more space and time alone than before and fantasise about running away. You may actually leave but just don’t burn the house down before you go!

There will be grief – over not having children, over children growing up, over ageing, facing your mortality, and all the things you wanted to do but never got around to.

Separation often hurts, but awareness of the hurt of Separation, eases the pain.

Symptoms

We find that the physical symptoms of perimenopause may actually be asking us to look at areas and aspects of our lives that need attention. Rather than looking to cure symptoms, we love to look at these manifestations as opening us up to exploring the whole perimenopause process. For more info on Leora’s take on symptoms vs manifestations, you can catch up here: Language of Menopause

Sifting + sorting

The clear discernment that is often available to us in our Menstrual Autumn/premenstrual phase heightens dramatically during Life Autumn/perimenopause. Aspects of our life that are no longer serving us and may actually be damaging, or that we no longer have the energy to engage with, can take on a new clarity. Our connection to the word NO gets stronger too!

Often relationships change, whether it’s with our partner, friends, jobs, and of course ourselves. This can be uncomfortable and also unpopular with those around us. Go gently with yourself here.

“Our connection to our NO gets stronger!”

Your task in Separation

Use your excellent discernment to work out what is essential and/or pleasurable for you to do. You may feel the pull to ditch everything else, but that may not be realistic. It’s back to the discerning skill of re-evaluating what is absolutely necessary to do, and how they can be simplified.

Make stress-reduction your number one priority.
Start taking more time out, even a little is great. This will mean saying no to stuff, it’s good practice because you’re going to be saying no a lot more!
Drift: you have permission to coast for a while.
Stare out of the window.
Nap.
Make pockets of time to do pretty much nothing (or that’s how it looks on the outside).
Self-kindness is key during this phase.

What does self-kindness mean? It will probably include reviewing the food you eat, and honing the exercise and movement you take, but there’s much more… self-care massage, dancing, yoni steams (here are some Yoni Steam instructions), singing…. In short, doing the things that soothe you and give you the most pleasure.

Say YES to pleasure and build that NO muscle!

Support for Separation

We invite you to dream into your Life Autumn. Please journal, draw, dream and/or create as you work through the prompts exploring your years of perimenopause. You might like to refer back to your day 14 reflections to support this.

What comes up for you when you think about the phase of Separation? It may be something that is also present in your Menstrual Autumn.

Dream into the areas of your life that are attracting a NO, requiring more work, or a different approach.

For a light hearted and honest glimpse into the gifts of Separation, here’s Leora’s experience travelling solo while deep in Separation (with language warnings!)

Surrender

Surrender can herald the beginning of Life Winter. It doesn’t eliminate the challenges you’re facing, it does something much more helpful; it transforms your relationship with them. Instead of wishing the damn problem would go away, you start to wonder:

What does this symptom need? How can I be kinder to myself here?

It changes your attitude to friendly listening and curiosity so that you can meet yourself and become your own best friend.

The other aspect of Surrender is learning to tolerate being with the unknown: you still don’t know what’s happening or what is unfolding. It takes great courage to accept this without grabbing at the threads in desperation to pull yourself back into known territory. Staying with the unknown strengthens your spirit.

Your tasks in Surrender

To be open to accepting your limitations and develop your relationship with the critic voice. In essence, be open to allowing yourself compassion.

Take more time out to rest deeply; you know the brain fog? This is where it’s inviting you, to a place of inward rest.
Search out healing practices that work for you, it may be homoeopathy, therapy, massage, community circles or nature.
Choose what soothes your soul.
Potter in your jim-jams.
Lean into your friends and your circles of like-minded souls.
Say no to more stuff.
Let go of your expectations of doing all the never-ending stuff that you feel you ought to do.
It may not be possible to burn your to-do list, but do some serious editing of it (Then rest some more)

Support for Surrender

When you feel into the concept of Surrender, or letting go into ‘what is’, what comes up for you?

In your life, reflect on what helps you to Surrender, and what prevents you.

Emergence

This is where things start to turn; there is a teeny tiny fragile sense of hope returning. The new shoots raise their heads above the ground:

Maybe I… What if I….

Somehow, having done the healing work in the phases of Separation and Surrender, the lost parts of yourself are being gathered home. It is also possible that some of your energy will return at this point. Be even more kind to yourself here, as it’s so tempting to jump back to ‘normal’ and possibly squander it. Instead look at this as the energy of regeneration for you to use for yourself, to replenish your soul.

Your tasks in Emergence

The first task is to enjoy the sense of possibility and growth without acting on it. Think of the tender shoots in spring that must be protected from frost; they need protection and kindness or they will not thrive. Your job here is simple, it is merely to receive the renewed energy. Simple, but not easy, because as soon as we get a little more juice in our tanks, we tend to rush off and get super-active. Emergence teaches us to contain our energy for ourselves.

With kindness as your first priority, invite trust to sit at your side.

At this point in your process you will be developing a great sense of trust that despite how things appear, things are working in the right direction, and hope in the new cycle arriving soon. Second Spring is on its way! Trust in your body’s wisdom and capacity. Trust your own rhythm and pacing, allowing yourself enough time and soothing, most especially because it doesn’t fit with the world’s timing.

Self-compassion is still your priority, non-negotiable self-love and kindness.

That whisper of possibility and the trust in pacing of how you emerge may be wrapped up in self-love and self-compassion, whatever that looks like for you. Remember that you’ve come this far in the journey, and as easy as it might feel to charge out into the world, taking time to listen to your needs is the deepest act of self-love and compassion.

It’s still wise to listen and respond to the call to rest. Yes still! It might look different to your resting needs in Separation and Surrender, but still vital to keep you vital!

Support for Emergence

Reflect on the end of Menstrual Winter/beginning of Menstrual Spring from the experience of your Menstrual Medicine Circle on day 8. What themes are/were present for you?

Reflect on your lived menstrual cycle, just at the end of your period. What themes are/were present for you?

Second Spring

This phase is a natural extension of Emergence and heralds the beginning of a whole new cycle. The kindness you have gifted yourself through perimenopause and menopause allows your energy and hope to return and you may feel the impulse to go out in the world more strongly. Maybe you can see how your passion and skills can come together in the outside world and how to move forward. Maybe you’re blinking in the light and curious to explore this new territory and see what happens. You may have to wait longer than you’re comfortable with for the path to become clear.

Just like your first, teenage early Spring it’s a time of experimentation and trying things out for size. You may find that you reconnect with your teenage or childhood enthusiasms, and relive those adventures unfettered by cultural conditioning. It’s a tender time too though, emerging into the world having shed your previous ways of being can be a vulnerable process. Just like the Spring of your post-menstruation, rushing out there at 100mph can result in some bumps and bruises, not surprising after the long dark Life Winter. But there’s plenty of time in Second Spring and a whole Life Summer to manifest your gifts in the world.

Support for Second Spring

Please journal, draw, dream and/or create as you work through the prompts exploring your arrival into Second Spring.

Looking back at yourself as a girl, what were your interests, passions and pleasures?
Who are your postmenopausal role models? If you don’t have any, start to pay attention, curate a list and think about what qualities in them you most admire. Here’s Kate’s Pinterest board of fabulous vintage, if you need some inspiration.

You can now return to the main menu or move to day 16 here